It’s a simple night. My friend is making his Italian Grandma’s secret sauce for the spaghetti. This is a no brainer when it comes to me being there for dinner. This sauce is Delicious with a capital “D”. I have no idea what the secret is. All I know is there is Garlic, Basil, Oregano, Crushed Tomatoes, some other spices and a lot of time to let it do whatever generations have let it do.
Enough about the sauce. This story will be bittersweet for me, but what happens next is what makes it all worth it.
I won’t be eating there tonight. He posted on Facebook that he was making this sauce, where a co-worker of his saw and posted back “sounds amazing”. Followed by “I’m starving” with one of those cute emoji smiley winking faces. Yep, you can see this coming like I did.
He invites her over. Now, the backstory is he has a crush on her. She has a crush on him. Now, I can see this a million miles away, but as co-workers they never take any steps. But, this threshold has been broken. She’s coming over in a half hour. Or, as he put it “SHE’S COMING OVER IN A HALF HOUR!”.
Or, as he put it:
“THIS IS A CRISIS!”
“My place looks like I’ve never had a girl over before”. “We have no time!” “You have to leave, but I need your help!”
Okay, all this is forgivable. The guy needs help cleaning up the place. I open that little cabinet under the sink and you know what was there?
A little cabinet under the sink. That’s it. Where are his cleaning supplies? He will respond with he has shampoo. I’m not joking. He says this to me. Now, it’s my turn:
“THIS IS A CRISIS!”
Does this place actually have to be clean in um 28 minutes? Okay, 27 minutes?
So. the only thing I could come up with was “let’s burn down the place, then she can’t come over.”
I called my friend who works for a cleaning service. That service is eco-friendly. I had no idea. He said to just look around. “What do you have?”
And the search begins…
Olives. Can’t use those.
Bread. Can’t use that.
Lemons. How many?
Seriously? Lemons. Um, a bag full. He says that this will work. Here are my instructions (of course besides pick up dishes, laundry, and you get the idea).
- Use lemon juice and an old toothbrush to scrub grout.
- Clean your microwave and remove odors. Place a cup ¾ full of water with a couple tablespoons of lemon juice in the microwave. Heat to boiling. Don’t open the door for another 10 minutes. Then just wipe away food particles with a clean cloth and dry.
- Put a dilute solution of lemon juice in a spray bottle to clean laminate countertops. Rinse with water and dry afterward.
- Soak plastic food storage containers in dilute lemon juice to remove stains and odors. Add baking soda and scrub, rinse and dry.
- Sanitize your garbage disposal. Pour a gallon of hot water mixed with a ½ cup of lemon juice down the drain.
- Clean food preparation smells from your hands with a dilute solution of water and lemon juice.
- Clean windows and mirrors. Put a few tablespoons of lemon juice and water into a spray bottle. (we didn’t have a spray bottle, we used a bowl)
- Keep your toilet bowl fresh. Place a ½ cup of lemon juice in the bowl and swish with a toilet bowl brush.
- Clean hard water stains on glass shower doors with a half cut lemon.
- Takes leftover lemons and boil them. It deodorizes the whole house.
TIME FOR ME TO GO
SHE WILL SHOW UP IN 2 MINUTES
I mean that was fast. There were about 100 other things he was saying on the speakerphone, but this did the trick. And just in case you are curious, they have been dating 3 months now. I better get an invite to their wedding and get seated a good table. Like table 1. Take Care!